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MULLINS IT OVER: In His First, Exclusive Column For The Olive Press, Charlie Mullins Reveals That Life As An Expat In Spain Trumps The High-Tax Grind Back In London – Olive Press News Spain

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AS my many friends in Spain and the UK know, as well as a load of haters in the UK, I’m now living permanently at my villa in Puerto Banus. 

I love it here and after nine-months as a resident I can’t think of a good reason why I didn’t make the move a decade ago.

There’s a lot of misinformation kicking about in the UK about how I’m a tax-exile, but as anyone with half a brain knows the Spanish are very skilled at coming up with ways to squeeze a few more Euros out of their own citizens and particularly us expats.

I’ve paid a load in tax over the years, and with Labour running the show I decided enough was enough, and they won’t be getting any more of my cash to waste on hotels for illegal immigrants and crazy schemes for minorities, while taxing working people and businesses to death.

That was the final straw, and now I’m here the world is a much better place. 

I’ve had a villa in Spain for 20 years, and I can’t understand why it took so long to wise-up and trade the traffic and noise of London for a sandy beach and the sound of waves.

It occurred to me soon after upping sticks and leaving Blighty that I had more friends here than I did in the place I’d called ‘home’ for 70 odd years… and a bit more thinking about this fact with a drink beside my pool, and it became obvious why. 

Charlie Mullins’ villa has expansive views of the Mediterranean

It’s that life isn’t just about surviving here, fighting for every scrap of anything you want and then fighting some more to somehow hang on to it.

It’s the attitude of people; in London if you try to start a conversation with a stranger in the street or on a train, they think you’re a nutter or about to rob them. 

Just the other day I was walking up a steep hill near my villa where there was an elderly lady struggling her way up in front of me. 

I didn’t want to startle her when I caught up with her, so I mumbled something about the bastard hill as I approached. Ten minutes later we were still chatting. 

That’s a very simple example, but for me it makes it crystal clear how the pace and quality of life on the costas is a better place for humans to live and enjoy life. 

It’s like the environment turns people into better versions of themselves, or maybe it’s just that all the decent, nicer people relocated here in the first place.

Just having the time to go off for a beer or a coffee with people you bump into makes living a real pleasure. I love it! 

And it’s not like I miss my family in the UK since I can get back in a few hours, and they keep turning up on my doorstep and taking over the place.

I said when I left that I wouldn’t return to the UK until these Labour imbeciles get thrown out of office, but as I approach my one-year anniversary I’m starting to think even a sensible party in charge might not lure me back.

Charlie Mullins OBE is a British businessman. He is the founder of Pimlico Plumbers, London’s largest independent plumbing company, which he sold in 2021

Andalucia

‘It’s like no religious event this Kiwi girl has ever experienced before’: First impressions of Spain’s Semana Santa from an Antipodean far from home

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SEMANA SANTA in Spain is like no religious event this Kiwi girl has ever experienced before. I heard Malaga was one of the most famous epicenters of the nation’s celebration of Easter and drove to the nearby city to witness its Maundy Thursday events. 

The seaside city of Malaga has more than 45 traditional Holy Week processions, and that morning the Spanish Foreign League had arrived at the port to take part in the Cristo de la Buena Muerte, escorting the statue of Jesus. 

With a lemon cheesecake flavoured ice cream in hand, I set out to find a procession to watch in the later afternoon, following the sounds of beating drums and bugles playing music made just for the event. I passed families seated on camp chairs playing cards together – it looked like they’d claimed the front-row seats several hours ago and I was impressed they had waited so long for the Processions.

READ MORE: Unearthed: Fascinating 1960s drawings of Sevilla’s ‘Semana Santa’ by famed British cartoonist William ‘Bill’ Papas

Procession members wearing capirote, which are a symbol of the wearer´s desire to be closer to God through penance.

Completely covered, with only dark eyes peeking out of the face covering fabric, the scene I saw before me was a little spooky. That was until I saw someone lift up their mask, the capirote (conical hat) pointing up high to the sky, and take a swig of water, throwing a cheeky grin to the crowd. The sun had popped out from the clouds that Spring afternoon, warming up the city and keeping those in the procession a little too cosy. 

Many of those wearing the gnome-like capirote appeared to be young kids taking part in the centuries old religious and cultural tradition. The hats are a symbol of the wearer´s desire to be closer to God through penance. Covering the face, this symbolises the anonymity and humility of the penitent. It all felt very magical.

The first processions in Malaga were held in 1487, after Catholic monarchs arrived and centuries of Muslim influence started to convert to the new religion. 

The Catholic Church encouraged the worship of religious idols, and cofradias (brotherhoods) began to form. In those first processions, ‘brothers of light’ or Nazarenes would walk next to ‘brothers of blood,’ who would be whipping themselves as a mark of self-discipline.

Luckily the whipping was a tradition that has long died out. 

When the Unidad Militar de Emergencias (the emergency branch of the Spanish Army) marched down the street, the crowds applauded and cheered.

The crowds also rallied for those moving down the streets loaded with the weight of the pasos. These are elaborately decorated floats carrying statues of biblical figures and depicting scenes from the Passion of Christ and of the Virgin Mary.

The first float I saw featured a statue of grimacing Jesus carrying his cross. It reflected the taught faces of those carrying him below as they shuffled around the street corner, moving side to side, unable to walk normally under the weight of the float. The heaviest paso in Mañaga is the Virgen de la Esperanza. Weighing more than 5000 kgs, it’s carried by up to 250 men.

As I watched the float carrying a scene of ´The Last Feast´ steadily move down the street, I spoke with a British family next to me. 

The wife was actually born in Malaga and when she was younger, she walked the streets as part of the procession, her head topped with a velvet pointed cap. Her two daughters gasped upon hearing their own Mum had been part of the religious traditions once upon a time. The dad from London explained that it was their daughters’ first Semana Santa. 

It was a massive family affair, with people of all ages watching the Easter processions, tourists from out of town and out of the country mingling with Malaga locals alike.

Maria and Alberto were visiting from Northern Spain hoping to enjoy some holiday sunshine. The last time they had seen a procession was 15 years ago. I asked if they’d ever taken part of the processions themselves and Alberto happily laughed saying he had practised ‘lifting the paso’ at his local gym but that was it.

Arriving in the old town, it felt like taking a step back in time as I shared the streets with brotherhoods more than 500 years old. Smoke from incest and tall wax candles being carried by some of the marches wafted and weaved amongst the crowds. Groups of capirote donned people passed in colours of pure white, jet black and ruby red. The marching bands played incredible tunes, both somber and rallying at the same time. 

I’d arrived at the Thursday processions just after 4pm and already the streets were choker. As I left five hours later, I moved as slow as the walking brotherhoods, zig-zagging through the crowds on my way to the train that would transport me home, passing even more people flocking to the city centre for the evening events. 

It became near impossible to see the processions and I was amazed by the spectators still standing, watching and seemingly enjoying just being present in the Holy Week celebrations. 

People of all different ages came to watch the Processions, with many waiting for hours to see the Brotherhoods march past.

Easter weekend in New Zealand is slightly different. Many of those who practice religion would attend a service at church. Most of those who are not religious will celebrate an extra long weekend, spending time with family and friends, most likely snacking on chocolate easter eggs and hot cross buns.

In my own Spanish hometown of Estepona, I celebrated its Sabado event, where a moving re-enactment of Jesus’ final moments before he was put to trial and crucified played out down the town’s cobbled streets. 

As the play was spoken in Spanish, there wasn’t a tourist in sight, apart from me and another Kiwi couple who had just moved over to the other side of the world too. It felt like a truly special moment to be a part of, as ‘disciples’ donned in Mediterranean garb jostled past us to play their next scene. 

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Andalucia

‘It’s Like No Religious Event This Kiwi Girl Has Ever Experienced Before’: First Impressions Of Spain’s Semana Santa From An Antipodean Far From Home – Olive Press News Spain

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SEMANA SANTA in Spain is like no religious event this Kiwi girl has ever experienced before. I heard Malaga was one of the most famous epicenters of the nation’s celebration of Easter and drove to the nearby city to witness its Maundy Thursday events. 

The seaside city of Malaga has more than 45 traditional Holy Week processions, and that morning the Spanish Foreign League had arrived at the port to take part in the Cristo de la Buena Muerte, escorting the statue of Jesus. 

With a lemon cheesecake flavoured ice cream in hand, I set out to find a procession to watch in the later afternoon, following the sounds of beating drums and bugles playing music made just for the event. I passed families seated on camp chairs playing cards together – it looked like they’d claimed the front-row seats several hours ago and I was impressed they had waited so long for the Processions.

READ MORE: Unearthed: Fascinating 1960s drawings of Sevilla’s ‘Semana Santa’ by famed British cartoonist William ‘Bill’ Papas

Procession members wearing capirote, which are a symbol of the wearer´s desire to be closer to God through penance.

Completely covered, with only dark eyes peeking out of the face covering fabric, the scene I saw before me was a little spooky. That was until I saw someone lift up their mask, the capirote (conical hat) pointing up high to the sky, and take a swig of water, throwing a cheeky grin to the crowd. The sun had popped out from the clouds that Spring afternoon, warming up the city and keeping those in the procession a little too cosy. 

Many of those wearing the gnome-like capirote appeared to be young kids taking part in the centuries old religious and cultural tradition. The hats are a symbol of the wearer´s desire to be closer to God through penance. Covering the face, this symbolises the anonymity and humility of the penitent. It all felt very magical.

The first processions in Malaga were held in 1487, after Catholic monarchs arrived and centuries of Muslim influence started to convert to the new religion. 

The Catholic Church encouraged the worship of religious idols, and cofradias (brotherhoods) began to form. In those first processions, ‘brothers of light’ or Nazarenes would walk next to ‘brothers of blood,’ who would be whipping themselves as a mark of self-discipline.

Luckily the whipping was a tradition that has long died out. 

When the Unidad Militar de Emergencias (the emergency branch of the Spanish Army) marched down the street, the crowds applauded and cheered.

The crowds also rallied for those moving down the streets loaded with the weight of the pasos. These are elaborately decorated floats carrying statues of biblical figures and depicting scenes from the Passion of Christ and of the Virgin Mary.

The first float I saw featured a statue of grimacing Jesus carrying his cross. It reflected the taught faces of those carrying him below as they shuffled around the street corner, moving side to side, unable to walk normally under the weight of the float. The heaviest paso in Mañaga is the Virgen de la Esperanza. Weighing more than 5000 kgs, it’s carried by up to 250 men.

As I watched the float carrying a scene of ´The Last Feast´ steadily move down the street, I spoke with a British family next to me. 

The wife was actually born in Malaga and when she was younger, she walked the streets as part of the procession, her head topped with a velvet pointed cap. Her two daughters gasped upon hearing their own Mum had been part of the religious traditions once upon a time. The dad from London explained that it was their daughters’ first Semana Santa. 

It was a massive family affair, with people of all ages watching the Easter processions, tourists from out of town and out of the country mingling with Malaga locals alike.

Maria and Alberto were visiting from Northern Spain hoping to enjoy some holiday sunshine. The last time they had seen a procession was 15 years ago. I asked if they’d ever taken part of the processions themselves and Alberto happily laughed saying he had practised ‘lifting the paso’ at his local gym but that was it.

Arriving in the old town, it felt like taking a step back in time as I shared the streets with brotherhoods more than 500 years old. Smoke from incest and tall wax candles being carried by some of the marches wafted and weaved amongst the crowds. Groups of capirote donned people passed in colours of pure white, jet black and ruby red. The marching bands played incredible tunes, both somber and rallying at the same time. 

I’d arrived at the Thursday processions just after 4pm and already the streets were choker. As I left five hours later, I moved as slow as the walking brotherhoods, zig-zagging through the crowds on my way to the train that would transport me home, passing even more people flocking to the city centre for the evening events. 

It became near impossible to see the processions and I was amazed by the spectators still standing, watching and seemingly enjoying just being present in the Holy Week celebrations. 

People of all different ages came to watch the Processions, with many waiting for hours to see the Brotherhoods march past.

Easter weekend in New Zealand is slightly different. Many of those who practice religion would attend a service at church. Most of those who are not religious will celebrate an extra long weekend, spending time with family and friends, most likely snacking on chocolate easter eggs and hot cross buns.

In my own Spanish hometown of Estepona, I celebrated its Sabado event, where a moving re-enactment of Jesus’ final moments before he was put to trial and crucified played out down the town’s cobbled streets. 

As the play was spoken in Spanish, there wasn’t a tourist in sight, apart from me and another Kiwi couple who had just moved over to the other side of the world too. It felt like a truly special moment to be a part of, as ‘disciples’ donned in Mediterranean garb jostled past us to play their next scene. 

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Andalucia

ON THIS DAY: The Battle Of Lucena – Where Spain’s Last Muslim King Lost His Fight Against Christianity – Olive Press News Spain

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TODAY, you could drive through the little town of Lucena, halfway between Córdoba and Granada, without really noticing it, but on April 21 in the year 1483, a major battle was fought here.

For almost eight centuries, Spain was a Muslim territory.

You can hear it in Andalucian placenames (even ‘Gibraltar’ comes from Arabic) and more so when people speak.

We English people sometimes say “I wish!” meaning “If only!”

The Spanish people that you know say “Ojalá!”, which is almost pure medieval Arab-speak, meaning the same thing.

But as the Middle Ages drew to their close, a new idea was being born in Europe – the “nation”.
France and England led the way, but Spain was quick to follow.

Those big, sprawling empires were a thing of the past (the Habsburgs in East Europe, and the Arabs from the Holy Land to the Pyrenees).

They were extremely difficult to administer (an official of the Sultan, setting off from Constantinople to collect taxes in Kosovo, would take eight weeks to get there) and impossible to defend (if a rebellion broke out in Zaragoza, the fight would be over before troops could be sent).

That’s why we have ambassadors. When Britain owned Hong Kong – which is yesterday, in historical terms – a ship carrying orders from London might take months to complete the journey.

You needed someone on the spot, to make decisions.

Nations, on the other hand, were compact.

They (usually) spoke one language, and were loyal to one leader. They had borders which could be defended.

It took a couple of centuries, but the Christians of Spain started to roll back the Arab dominance of their country.

Those Andalucian towns with “de la frontera” after their names were once, quite literally, on the Christian-Muslim frontier.

By 1485, there was only one corner of the Spanish peninsula which was still in Arab hands – the Kingdom of Granada.

Boabdil

And that’s what the Battle of Lucena was about.

Gradually, almost mile by mile, the Christians were edging closer to their ultimate objective.

If they could capture the Alhambra, which they did seven years later, Muslim rule in Europe would be at an end.

And Lucena was a stepping-stone towards that final victory. The Christians took Boabdil (the Arab king also known as Muhammad XII) prisoner, and it cost the Nazrid family a fortune to ransom him back.

The two Christian leaders were Lucena’s local aristocrat, Hernando de Argote, and “El Alcaide de los Donceles” (‘the leader of the page boys’), Diego Fernández de Córdoba.

His rather camp title derives from what had once been a truly significant rank at the Court of Castile.

An elite cavalry corps once existed, consisting only of the sons of noble courtiers (hence page boys). By Diego’s time it had become purely an honorific post – rather like the British Parliament’s serjeant-at-arms isn’t actually a sergeant.

We can dispense with the fighting very briefly.

Boabdil didn’t have a good day.

Boabdil’s family is expelled from the Alhambra

His father-in-law was killed (try explaining THAT when you get back to the missus!)

He saw his forces break and run, and he tried to escape too, but his horse got stuck in some deep mud.

Abandoning the horse, he hid in some bushes, but a handful of Christian soldiers found him.

They were going to kill him, but noticed he was wearing nice clothes.

Knowing that their officers made good money out of ransoming posh prisoners, they thought they’d better check with a superior before beheading him. (Boabdil’s life was saved by his threads – eat your heart out, Mary Quant!)

Granada’s king was in Christian custody, the Muslim army was in disarray, and the road to Granada was now open.

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